I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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