I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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