the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
