How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
