Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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