Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
