Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
