I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
