Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
