i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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