the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize