Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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