you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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