quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
