Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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