I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
