Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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