Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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