Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
