I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
