I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
