Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
