so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
