Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
