I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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