your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny