I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING