Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!