to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas