If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
A+ Viking dick