Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
