I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
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he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog