Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.

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(623): View more from Arizona

I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.

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(567): View more from Ohio

i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(406): View more from Montana

I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?

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(504): View more from Louisiana

seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.

(856): View more from New Jersey

dear god, who put you in a cab?

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(619): View more from California

yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances

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(802): View more from Vermont

BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!

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