stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.