i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
