the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
