The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
