Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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