Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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