Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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