Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i came on her dog
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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