Fine. I'll sleep in my office
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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