well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Actions speak louder than pants.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.