Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(402): View more from Nebraska

I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome

Fav 13 6358 1220
share tweet
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

Fav 9 6091 1600
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(515): View more from Iowa

Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex

Fav 14 1368 4763
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.

Fav 12 4370 1376
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(386): View more from Florida

being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.

Fav 15 3008 1560
share tweet
(940): View more from Texas

I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.

Fav 41 1740 8397
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(217): View more from Illinois

it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him

Fav 11 1276 1628
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(260): View more from Indiana

The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.

(314): View more from Missouri

What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!

(260): View more from Indiana

Americans.

Fav 7 1075 573
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(928): View more from Arizona

They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...

Fav 0 26 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT