He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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