I'm really into asian looking animals
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
