I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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