All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When did angry sex become our thing?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
