Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize