Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
