Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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