I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
