I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize