When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
