I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
