I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I need moral support for this bender
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Randomize
