yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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