new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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