and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
