your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
