Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
