Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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