The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
