what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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