If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
