Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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