I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
