he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
