The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
