Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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