I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
