It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
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Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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