from now on my penis is your penis
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
