He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
