Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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