Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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