We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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