Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
